Are Quality Time & Words Of Affirmation Love Languages Compatible?
How the pairing works in a relationship, according to an expert.
Like many other personality tests, the love language quiz is designed to teach you more about who you are and your patterns and behaviors. Unlike other tests, though, the concept of the five love languages is meant to also enhance your interpersonal relationships — especially those with a romantic partner. Understanding which of the love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts) resonates with you most can help you learn more about the ways you prefer to give and receive love.
When you’re in a relationship, having awareness of your love language and that of your partner is a great way to assure that each of your needs is being met. If you and your S.O. are a lucky pair whose love languages are the same, this task is simplified. But if you’re wondering if quality time and words of affirmation love languages are compatible, it’ll require a little bit of work — from each partner — in order to have the most harmonious match.
While it’s often much easier to meet your partner’s needs and make them feel loved when you both express it in the same way, it is possible to be happy together when you have different love languages, according to Dr. Sarah Schewitz, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Couples Learn. “Dating someone with a different love language from you is definitely workable but can take some effort on both ends,” she tells Bustle. Words of affirmation and quality time love languages have complementary elements that create the potential for a loving relationship — read on for what to know about making it work.
Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Sexual Compatibility
For most sexually involved couples, setting aside time for intimacy can fulfill multiple needs for affection, according to Dr. Schewitz. “Having sex is a way to spend quality time, so that partner’s love language should be filled by being intimate,” she says. The person with a quality time love language may feel seen and appreciated by their partner’s willingness to spend time connecting sexually.
This time spent together in the bedroom can be very meaningful as a form of QT, but Dr. Schewitz notes that the partner who prefers words “might want to hear something like ‘you are so sexy’ or ‘I love making love to you.’” It may take some getting used to for couples who don’t use dirty talk — or any talking at all — when getting intimate, but expressing your feelings during sex toward a partner with a words of affirmation love language can go a long way in increasing the sexual compatibility with someone whose love language is quality time.
Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Emotional Compatibility
At their core, both words of affirmation and quality time are love languages that center around connecting with a partner. Speaking words of affirmation can bring about more emotional and intellectual connection, while quality time encourages energy and effort spent on connecting by being in the same place or experiencing an activity together. These elements lend themselves well to forming a strong emotional connection between partners who have these love languages.
“Emotionally, words of affirmation and quality time make an easy match because quality time very often includes conversation and it’s easy to slip in some words of affirmation during that date night or mini-golf game,” says Dr. Schewitz. The ease with which these love languages can overlap makes for great potential for a solid emotional connection.
Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Communication
Naturally, anyone with a words of affirmation love language is bound to be a skilled and enthusiastic communicator because they express themselves best through words. As Dr. Schewitz previously mentioned, spending quality time with a partner usually involves conversation, which is a great time to honor a partner’s words of affirmation love language.
Although it is true that this pairing may be more likely to communicate freely and effectively than some other matches, Dr. Schewitz also says that communication can be easy or challenging regardless of what your love language is. “This really depends on what type of modeling and training you have had for communication in relationships,” she tells Bustle. So, while this match may have complementary elements when it comes to communication, ultimately that success depends on the experiences and efforts of each partner.
Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Dating Compatibility
As a dating match, partners with words of affirmation and quality time love languages have a good shot. “The person who prefers quality time will feel filled up, loved, and cared for through spending time together engaged in conversations or doing a shared activity, whereas the person who prefers words of affirmation will feel loved through hearing nice things and getting compliments,” Dr. Schewitz explains.
It may be easy to throw in kind words to your partner here and there or plan special and meaningful activities together, but balance is key. As Dr. Schewitz says, “Doing too much of one of these without including the other may leave one partner feeling unloved. However, as long as both partners are aware and make an effort to speak each other‘s love language, dating can be successful.” Like any other pairing, it all comes down to awareness and respect for each other’s different needs.
Words of Affirmation & Quality Time Friendship Compatibility
When it comes to platonic relationships, Dr. Schewitz says that love language pairings matter a bit less. In a friendship context, there are often different needs being fulfilled than in a romantic or sexual relationship, so having the same or a compatible love language with your friends isn’t necessarily important. That said, friends who have words of affirmation and quality time love languages can experience some of the same complementary benefits as partners in a romantic relationship do — making them a great platonic pairing.
Potential Problems In A Words Of Affirmation-Quality Time Relationship
As with any different love language pair, partners can run into issues here and there when both love languages are not being honored in the relationship. If the partner with the words of affirmation love language feels that their S.O. isn’t verbally expressing love and affection enough, or if the partner who needs quality time isn’t receiving that as much as they need, conflict and resentment can start to arise.
“Having different love languages means that both partners need to be conscious of speaking each other’s love languages,” says Dr. Schewitz. The key? Being mindful of whether or not both love languages are being considered in the day-to-day may take some initial work, but once you form a habit of it, meeting each other’s needs will feel natural and highly beneficial.
Are Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time A Good Match?
Ultimately, the compatibility of the words of affirmation and quality time love languages in a relationship all comes down to “intention and effort,” as Dr. Schewitz says. If you and your partner (or friend) put forth energy and mindfulness about satisfying each other’s needs and working toward a solid, balanced relationship, you’re bound to find success.
Dr. Sarah Schewitz, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Couples Learn